Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.Īnnouncer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street.īert: Hello? Son of a bitch. Meg Griffin: Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy. Lois Griffin: Meg, can you change Stewie? I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come baring a gift. Peter Griffin: Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think thats adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.Ĭult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity? Yes, I also answer to 'Artemis,' 'Agent Buckwald' and 'Snake.' Yes, I rather like 'Snake.' Snake Griffin. Let's go play 'swallow the stuff under the sink.' Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.ĭeath: Well that would just leave England. Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me? Peter Griffin: Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.ĭoctor: Mr. Joe Swanson: What in god's name is he doing? Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/

Peter Griffin: (singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this) Ah ah ah. Stewie Griffin: So, what do you think of this 'Music Television?' It says 'OOOOOO'.īrian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.Īdam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy. Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. Anyway, what was that you were saying?īrian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.Ĭhris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening. Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.īrian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here? Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together? Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'? I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once.

Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you. Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple. Peter Griffin: You know those Germans if you don't join the party, they come get you. Stewie Griffin: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb. Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party. Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me?

Stewie griffin squish head